Chairing is Caring
A mindfulness metaphor.
Every month I share the audiobooks I’ve listened to on Instagram in a 2,200 character, 20 odd hashtag ramble that sometimes is more tedious than it needs to be in the constraint of social media standards. So with the convincing of a dear friend I decided to take these ramblings to Medium, where I can spew without constraints. These posts/essays aren’t planned, thought out, or organized but have now become an outlet for my reflection of what I have listened to for the last 60 days. This is just me sitting down at my computer and spewing the verbal diarrhea that is my stream of consciousness at this particular moment. It might make sense, it might not… but I do wear a bib, this is an expensive computer.
It’s recently dawned on me that I’m just not much of a picture or video taker. Unless I’m at a concert or out of the country (or it’s my cat obviously), I’ve found that I tell myself that something is either too mundane, obvious, simple, or just well…I don’t really know. It’s not that I don’t care, or someone or something isn’t “worthy” of a photograph, it’s just not me and I sometimes wish I would share more, not for the likes or attention, but perhaps for people to get to know me in some way, shape or form. I certainly don’t knock anyone who does this so don’t misinterpret my own internet introversion. But then I began to wonder about that…why don’t I share more pictures? Why don’t I put myself out there more? Why don’t I share my experiences more often? Anyone who knows me knows that I’m far from an introvert, so what gives? Well here it goes…(*pulls up chair*) “Hi everyone, my name is David and I have a ‘WHY’ problem.”
As you can read, for something as simple as taking a picture, for some reason I need to find out why my subconscious doesn’t respond to capturing and sharing an experience with others. Some would argue that perhaps I’m more “present” in the moment, well sure…that may be part of it. Maybe I don’t value other people’s opinions (the likes and reactions)? well maybe that could be a part of it, but I’m sharing this collage of book covers for some reason right? I mean how boring is that to look at? (no offense authors) Well, I’ve realized that it’s not the “what” that I’m sharing, it’s always the “why.” And the “why” is what I’m constantly asking myself every single day. Sometimes before an experience and sometimes after an experience. Sometimes when we see a beautiful sunset or rainbow our first response is to pull out our phones and take a picture. To capture a moment to reflect on later or perhaps share with others. Well…what is our initial response to that person who told us that we shouldn’t be together anymore? What is our initial response when we’re trying to create something and we tell ourselves it isn’t good enough? What is our initial response when we think about that job we have, or the job we really want…or the person we want that doesn’t want us back. When a friend of ours sees us sad or depressed or angry…they ask “What’s wrong?” Sure, that’s a genuine act of sincerity (at least I hope so, the empathy part needs to be attached to that), but is it up to them to solve it? Most of the time it’s not. I pulled up the chair and sat down to tell you I have a “problem” but it’s not a problem, it’s acknowledging my response. Knowing the “WHY” behind my response and realizing that the “why” is the same chair that I’ve have been sitting in since I was a child.
Sometimes we yell to be heard. Sometimes we cry to be heard. Sometimes we don’t want to be heard or seen at all. Sometimes we’re scared to be seen or heard because of what our response is to a multitude of situations. But start asking yourself “Why did this happen?” or “Why am I so upset at this?” or “Why did this (perhaps) trivial thing effect me so much?” and you might uncover some revelations or some very good, or sometimes very uncomfortable, truths about yourself. If you look at the titles of these books you might understand what I have been asking myself for the last two months. Sure, it might give you a little insight to knowing me, but it’s how I get to know MYSELF. And when we do perhaps get the opportunity to meet and talk, it will help me understand you a little bit better too. Keep sharing your sunsets, or your rainbows, or your selfies, or your protests and your anger, and acts of kindness but always help yourself understand the REAL reason why. Especially when it comes to the last three I mentioned. It’s ok to just “be” and have fun, or support a cause, I’m not judging anyone…remember this is me asking myself “why” when I listen to all these books every month.
The titles of these books are recommendations to bring VALUE to this thing that I’m sharing with you because at the end of the day, you’re sharing a voice within yourself that is a response to something that happened TO you, and it’s always going to be from something in your past. Whether it was decades ago, a week ago, or even a second ago, your “why” is going to need an answer immediately — meaning your brain and body will need a response immediately. As I go back to look at the summary of books to make this post, I realize that all of these have to do with some reaction to an experience, or thought, or inner dialogue I’m having with myself. Sometimes it’s either the 9 year-old inside me manifesting himself into his adult life screaming and pouting, or its the adult version who is still super confused as to how to react. Sometimes, if not all the time, it’s our subconscious brain’s response that has been lying dormant until that ONE thing pops up in our life that make us say “how about we don’t take the picture and instead throw the phone against the wall and have it shatter into a million pieces.” This is obviously a metaphor for me, but could be a reality for some. Phones are kind of a necessity nowadays, you’re gonna need that thing…don’t do that.
The more you know the “why” of your reaction the more value you will bring to your own life and the people around you. Also, the chair isn’t going anywhere. I’ve had it my whole life, and as you know, 9 year-old Dave was a-lot smaller when he got his first chair back then. So if you find yourself sitting in a tiny chair with your knees up to your chest, perhaps you might be asking yourself the wrong questions. It’s time to ask “why” is this chair so small and “how” do I build a new one that will allow me to sit in peace and comfortability. Someday I’ll start sharing more pictures with you but right now I’m too busy blowing off the dust of my childhood snapshots and memories to help me understand the “why” of my life right now, how I got here, and duct taping that wobbly leg so I can sit beside all of you and share the value in my life. I know the circle I’m sitting in is only going to get bigger and that means if my subconscious asks to speak to someone higher up, I may just have to stand on the chair.
Follow me on Instagram @thedoubledmke
Books by photograph from upper left:
On My Own Side By: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
Living With Monks By: Jesse Itzler
Transcend, The New Science of Actualization By: Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D.
Before Happiness By: Shawn Achor
Real Love, The Art of Mindful Connection By: Sharon Salzberg
You’re a Miracle (and a Pain in the Ass) By: Mike McHargue
The Decision By: Kevin Hart
Wired to Create By: Scott Barry Kaufman, Carolyn Gregoire
Limitless By: Jim Kwik
Personality Isn’t Permanent By: Benjamin Hardy
